so, what if someone wants something that maybe differ from what ppl usually want? Normal but yet just different. Oh, I can say sometimes it makes other miserable. I really want him but, since he is different from the others- makes me think 100times. maybe more. I can accept everything about him but I just cant help it to think what he thinks about me.  So, I went to one of my friends and said, '' Maybe he cant be yours, but when you need him, he'll be there''. At first, I can say, it is really hard to absorb what she said, but hell yeah, the truth is there. Maybe I want to have him because I cant have him yet.. It is all about my desire, not my need. I did asked about maybe he wanted to have a girlfriend and he said, he'll be banned and spend less time for his friends. well said. that's it.. I remain single.

And he's all I think about now. Maybe because he's the one who really understands me but I ask more from him.  damn, why am I so immature? He'll always by my side but I want him to be mine. You can ask many ppl to be by your side but to make them yours, it's not easy. Lately, relationships I had are not stable as they were. I dont know why. maybe I'm thinking too much and imagine things that will not happening will happen. I just dont know. One question : why is it so hard to be with the one you love and care about?