March 28, 2012

I clicked the shut down button. 
Is it possible to turn it on back?
T_T 
after one day shut it down suddenly you dont feel anything already
heartless, emotionless, getting annoyed of crazy things.
I still wanna blame people around me that against what my heart wants. 
what if what they got, different from what I'll have? We're different person but why you mocking me with things that make it everything is hard.
at last, you are the one who got the smile, got to be different person 
me, I'm watching from far and smile or laugh if needed. 
at some point, it made me really furious with the fact that I already clicked the shut down button.
Now I have me, me , me and your story. 
unbearable. 


shadows

March 21, 2012

I believe that in every part of us, we want to change. Me too. I realised that I'm going through several phases in my life. In the first ten years, I was someone who wanted to know about something new. In the next ten years, I wanted to know the meaning or reasons behind all what had happened. As I'm stepping for the another next ten years, I want to learn about how to appreciate what before me. Appreciating needs efforts and it is not easy. How can you appreciate the bad ones while we always appreciate the good ones? Doesn't make sense. But that is the one that I wanted to do in my future 20's. Things getting more serious, more fragile and crazier. 

I really hope I can find someone that appreciate what they had so, I can learn from them. Appreciation needs you to sincere with all you heart. Or maybe I should learn to be sincere first then to appreciate. but, but... I think as the process we will learn how to be sincere when we appreciate. I think. I just wanna be someone that live her life to the fullest and never regret anything that I made even though I made mistakes. You know how He arranged your life beautifully?  I just want to enjoy the journey and make the pain less. It is not easy I know but I think it is not that hard too. But you just can lessen the pain. I'm not talking about boys here, I'm just thinking what I've been doing in past 20 years. Make sense. Sometimes we just need to reflect back and take actions. Sit back and relax aren't good trends people. Pray for me. Pray for everyone that wanna make change and give people like us support and God will repay you back :)


FML

thing that can never be done

March 06, 2012

so, what if someone wants something that maybe differ from what ppl usually want? Normal but yet just different. Oh, I can say sometimes it makes other miserable. I really want him but, since he is different from the others- makes me think 100times. maybe more. I can accept everything about him but I just cant help it to think what he thinks about me.  So, I went to one of my friends and said, '' Maybe he cant be yours, but when you need him, he'll be there''. At first, I can say, it is really hard to absorb what she said, but hell yeah, the truth is there. Maybe I want to have him because I cant have him yet.. It is all about my desire, not my need. I did asked about maybe he wanted to have a girlfriend and he said, he'll be banned and spend less time for his friends. well said. that's it.. I remain single.

And he's all I think about now. Maybe because he's the one who really understands me but I ask more from him.  damn, why am I so immature? He'll always by my side but I want him to be mine. You can ask many ppl to be by your side but to make them yours, it's not easy. Lately, relationships I had are not stable as they were. I dont know why. maybe I'm thinking too much and imagine things that will not happening will happen. I just dont know. One question : why is it so hard to be with the one you love and care about?

cant get enough

February 28, 2012

i'm really sorry. too vulnerable lately. i'm in distress and everything in a mess. i just dont get it why I'm always in rush and ppl around do the same. it's just some matters were not destined to happen like now. it's a God's timing. we just dont know.  I hate being pushed doing something that I'm not doing it not because I'm lazy or think that all that stuffs are being irrational, but I need a perfect timing. Please ...... listen to the timing.  So, some ppl told me that when you wait for a timing, it will never get right and it'll take forever. but here's what I'm thinking. If things will take forever,it'll be forever and it's a sign from the God, that you're not good enough for that. I hate being such a paranoia but things never work for me. The best conclusion ever. I just hate ppl talking when I'm. Ppl will never listen-keep it in your mind. I'm just a person with no importance. Persons who I'm holding to, leave one by one without looking back. That 's a true story.

February 26, 2012

hello ^^
one week after the second semester started. 
Alhamdullilahh... I'm still alive.
It was not so bad. Even though I received many assignments already, but I think this is better than I get the assignment at the peak time of the semester. at least I can be prepared (yeah). 

my mom said that we have to think positively and saying it everyday. so,I decided to say I'M GENIUS everyday..... : D


ngaaaaa~~~

February 18, 2012

semester two starts on 19th. what can I do? this is my fate. I have to go back to the work. oh yeah ^^
 I hope I can reduce my whining. I'm always whining about how I hate for being in UTM. hehe... 
I try my best to be more positive with the situations. I WISH.

Since this is the first week of my second semester, I think my life will not so hectic. 
Maybe I will facing introducing myself again, course outline, find class, and oh..I want new seat arrangement. I want to sit on 2nd line. haha.







BEST

February 14, 2012

We always want the best. From the beginning till the end. 
But what if it doesn't -can we still smile and laugh?
 insecurities-complexes. I cant live without those things. That's what I am. 
Since the beginning I learn to accept the rejection and act like nothing happens. Sorry. 
I tried to be more positive and each time it becomes more worse.
So, I'm glad if someone can come and prove it isn't bad at all to be me. 
Words are not enough because tongue can lies.
Please...


I'm so okay. 

wishlist

February 12, 2012

when I have a date. I really wanna do this with him :)


I DON'T CARE. HE MUST DO IT.

p/s: dear my future boyfriend, i hope you don't mind in helping me to realize my dream. o, boy it's easy.okay, 
I LOVE YOU....2012

clomakan

APPLE MILK DRINK

February 02, 2012

today, I made my apple milk drink!! I'm so excited because this is my first shot and I did it. BEAUTIFUL. so, now I'm so kindhearted and I want to give the recipe. it is so easy and you'll look healthy and rich (?) while you're doing it. trust me. I had this feeling too.

okay. for the recipe, you'll just need four things.RED APPLE, MILK,SUGAR and.. BLENDER. so, for the apple I think , it is the best when you peel the skin and cut into dices. as much as you want. put it into the blender. and then pour your milk ( it is served well with your full cream milk or any kind of milk that you want) into the blender. you can pour it until the apple sink or the same level as the apple's amount or as much as you want. then put one spoon of sugar. don't put too much you can get diabetes. blend and served. and there you go....


GOOD LUCK !

HAI

February 01, 2012

they've met
I'm still stuck in my room.
HAVE FUN FRIENDS !!

*hearing ur voices through phone really made my day. i'll try my best for next monday or tuesday okay? pray for me. good start for February anyway.

29/2

January 31, 2012

ALHAMDULLILAH.. all is well
but i do look weird.




surprise

January 27, 2012

life is full of surprises. 
so my life.from the past few days, i've been facing with surprises that will change me forever. mark my word. FOREVER. 
and everything starts on this SUNDAY. oh my god. to be honest, i'm so freaking out for this SUNDAY-4PM. Its just I'm worried to let go something that had been with me for 20 years and looking forward for something that will not gonna let me down. 
That's why suddenly I'm not confirm about hanging out in Melaka. I hope it'll be okay if I cant make it, and my friends will understand me. I hope it'll be fine if I go there and not being judged. Because i'll be different from  someone that you've ever known.  



Semoga Allah mempermudahkan segala perjalananku untuk hari itu dan seterusnye. 

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