March 28, 2012

I clicked the shut down button. 
Is it possible to turn it on back?
after one day shut it down suddenly you dont feel anything already
heartless, emotionless, getting annoyed of crazy things.
I still wanna blame people around me that against what my heart wants. 
what if what they got, different from what I'll have? We're different person but why you mocking me with things that make it everything is hard.
at last, you are the one who got the smile, got to be different person 
me, I'm watching from far and smile or laugh if needed. 
at some point, it made me really furious with the fact that I already clicked the shut down button.
Now I have me, me , me and your story. 


March 21, 2012

I believe that in every part of us, we want to change. Me too. I realised that I'm going through several phases in my life. In the first ten years, I was someone who wanted to know about something new. In the next ten years, I wanted to know the meaning or reasons behind all what had happened. As I'm stepping for the another next ten years, I want to learn about how to appreciate what before me. Appreciating needs efforts and it is not easy. How can you appreciate the bad ones while we always appreciate the good ones? Doesn't make sense. But that is the one that I wanted to do in my future 20's. Things getting more serious, more fragile and crazier. 

I really hope I can find someone that appreciate what they had so, I can learn from them. Appreciation needs you to sincere with all you heart. Or maybe I should learn to be sincere first then to appreciate. but, but... I think as the process we will learn how to be sincere when we appreciate. I think. I just wanna be someone that live her life to the fullest and never regret anything that I made even though I made mistakes. You know how He arranged your life beautifully?  I just want to enjoy the journey and make the pain less. It is not easy I know but I think it is not that hard too. But you just can lessen the pain. I'm not talking about boys here, I'm just thinking what I've been doing in past 20 years. Make sense. Sometimes we just need to reflect back and take actions. Sit back and relax aren't good trends people. Pray for me. Pray for everyone that wanna make change and give people like us support and God will repay you back :)


thing that can never be done

March 06, 2012

so, what if someone wants something that maybe differ from what ppl usually want? Normal but yet just different. Oh, I can say sometimes it makes other miserable. I really want him but, since he is different from the others- makes me think 100times. maybe more. I can accept everything about him but I just cant help it to think what he thinks about me.  So, I went to one of my friends and said, '' Maybe he cant be yours, but when you need him, he'll be there''. At first, I can say, it is really hard to absorb what she said, but hell yeah, the truth is there. Maybe I want to have him because I cant have him yet.. It is all about my desire, not my need. I did asked about maybe he wanted to have a girlfriend and he said, he'll be banned and spend less time for his friends. well said. that's it.. I remain single.

And he's all I think about now. Maybe because he's the one who really understands me but I ask more from him.  damn, why am I so immature? He'll always by my side but I want him to be mine. You can ask many ppl to be by your side but to make them yours, it's not easy. Lately, relationships I had are not stable as they were. I dont know why. maybe I'm thinking too much and imagine things that will not happening will happen. I just dont know. One question : why is it so hard to be with the one you love and care about?

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