I developed new phobia.

August 30, 2013

Assalamualaikum awak awak.. Okay today's topic is phobia. Do you have one? or two?? Okay, I've never have one but I do now.Sobs. If you're not sure what phobia is, please google it :)

Sebenarnya tak pernah langsung having any phobia in my life.But in the age of 21- I've got one. This aint cool. Okay I dont know what kind of phobia I'm suffering but this is pretty scary. I'm afraid or feel not easy to be in a space that I could never be able to ask for help from the others. huh,, It happened last week. I went to this place, where there was one room that is divided into two. Since the room is divided by two parts- it has two doors. So,usually, I'll use the left door but at that time, the right door was the only open. Even though I want to go to the left part of the room, I have to use the right door since it was the only door that open. I realised there are two other people in that room, but dont really care since they have nothing to do with me. 

I was soo busy with my work, and suddenly "Bam!". I've heard that they're slamming the door. Okay maybe they're just shutting the door,but I was wrong. They're shutting the grill too!! Okay it wasnt that bad since that door wasnt locked. However, I was wrong again. SO, I've been struggling opening the grill from inside. The door cant be opened since the grill was blocking the door from opening. I almost cried, Seriously. My chest hurt, I started to feel dizzy and I just cant think. I just keep banging the door so that there is anyone out there hears me. Icant contact anyone since I was alone, and the phone's battery was only 5% left. i know this one isnt a cliche scene in movies anymore. For about almost 45 mins I was in there and I didnt feel good. Alhamdulillah, there are two guys came to enter the room and there were so shocked to see me inside. Hurm...

When I got home, I was still in shocked. I usually locked my door and sleep without any lights but up till today, I didnt dare to lock my room and switch on the light even though I'm not the type who can sleep with the light on. I feel so terrified till I brought em to my dreams. Before, I dont believe to those who are afraid of heights or you know to be in elevator or something. But now I know how it feels. So guys,be careful. 

me and my anger

August 26, 2013

Assalamualaikum. Hello. At last I decided to finish this post. omg. I have so many posts in draft but I dont know why whenever I start to write, I couldn't finish it. Sobs.

So by referring to the post tittle, I definitely wanna talk about my anger. Historically, I inherit this anger from my father. And that's for sure. Hehe. Straight to the point.. I will let my anger out whenever I didnt get anything that I want. In a simpler way, I easily get upset with anything that I felt wrong. Even it is the smallest thing in the world. I feel ashamed to write all of this but it's hard to change in overnight. 

My anger brought a lot of problems to me. To be honest it puts me in a lot of fight. Just like yesterday -.-''. Only people that really know about this will understand but for how long?? How long they'll be able to understand and stay? Omg I teared up *drama queen*. I definitely need to reduce my anger or meet counselling or something but I want you guys to know that it aint easy. It aint easy. Sometimes, I didnt realize that I've hurt someone. T.T

But you know I think I cant control myself really well. And I honestly say, sometimes I'm just too self-centered but I'm not selfish aherher. Self-centered in my dictionary means I always seeing things only in my point of view. But to all my friends that I met during my asasi times and degree you're just so lucky because I was worse. Haha.. I've changed once, but I thought people were taking advantages on me. Okay just give me a moment of silence and stay cool whenever I feel people are taking advantages to me. I just want to be a nice girl :(

Eid's update

August 12, 2013

Assalamualaikum sweethearts :)
Alhamdulillah I've finally got some time to update my blog. I've been very busy in Ramadhan- did some bussiness and got teaching works to do. Here I am- I'm currently in Pulau Pangkor having a sweet escape before I go back to Johor and working starting next week.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir batin I bid to you guys. Sorry, to wish in English sounds so not welcoming in this happy month. Haha. Forgive me for all my wrongdoings in past and I'm apologizing for future. I'm saving it. So, I want to put some pictures for this raya :) Eye candy sikit..

"Kira dosa kau kepada orang lain, sebelum kau kira dosa yang lain kepada kau"

I've tweeted this before. What I want to say here is let's forgive and not asking others to be apologized to you. Come on, dont be selfish. The world is about us, living in this world means nothing without others. To be hurt by others is normal. I admit I made a lot of mistakes especially for those who are close to me, Meia, Al, Iskandar, my parents, my family, but I think that's how life should be. Making mistakes means I agree to not repeat the mistakes. I reflected myself a lot. I admit that I have some inner crisis or cold war between me and 'them' I close, but I would say, these mid semester break shows how much I miss them. A lot. No doubt. I am too ego to say I'm sorry before them, but here I goes, I am too ego to do that. I know they know about this, and that's why I love them ;) I hope, this semester I can make up with 'them' and everything will be normal again. I know every pain got its scar, I dont ask you to forget what I've done to you guys, but just give me a chance to improve our relationship, myself. I love you xoxo

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